who gets the ring?

IMG00068

If you were given a ring like this one over here (thanks Mrs. Kristin Fielder Buehn for showing off your bling for this post), would you give it back if the engagement came to an abrupt end?

Once the tears have dried up, the age old question becomes:

Who gets the engagement ring?

Does the bride get to keep it or should it be given back? I’ve heard many different etiquette answers to this very important question.

Scenario A:

Some say if the groom calls off the engagement, then she can keep the ring. But if the bride calls off the engagement, then the ring must be returned.

Scenario B:

I had to break out the etiquette book for this scenario. [blowing dust off the pages]

Peggy Post says this; “If an engagement is broken, the bride should immediately return the ring (unless it is an heirloom of her family). There is some debate as to whether the ring should be returned if the man is the one who broke the engagement. It makes more sense to return it, why keep this painful reminder of the end of an engagement just to be spiteful? It’s better to take the high road — move on”. source: Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, Fourth Edition, page 12.

Uh, Peggy….some brides sell the ring for moola. 

One caveat she brings up; “If the groom should pass away before the wedding takes place, and the ring is not a family heirloom, then the bride may keep her engagement ring”.

Scenario C:

Lawyers would question, (you gotta love lawyers…sooo romantic); “What constitutes a gift”?

Some may argue if the ring is given during a holiday (Christmas, Valentines, etc) then it may be assumed that this is a “gift” which means it does not have to be returned.

Another viewpoint: courts may consider the ring a legal gift if these three things happen: 1. the donor (the person who gave the ring) showed the intent to give the ring as a gift, 2. the delivery of the ring from the donor to the donee (the person receiving the ring) and finally, 3. the donee’s acceptance of the ring.

Are we feeling warm and fuzzy yet? Not done….

Scenario D:

Courts may view the ring to be “conditional gift”. That if the event (wedding) does not occur, then the donor has the right to get the ring back. Some women (obviously those who want to KEEP the ring) argue that receiving the ring was upon acceptance to the proposal of marriage, not necessarily the completion of the marriage ceremony.

Here’s a crazy idea. Be careful who you ask to marry you. Sheesh.

 

Love to hear what YOU have to say about this?

ps Thanks Sally for the idea…..

 

wedding traditions unveiled…

We talked on the TV segment today about wedding traditions and where they come from.

Here are few wedding traditions and their origins:

Best man – did you know that this comes from the tradition of a man going to another village to get a wife and he could possibly be met with some physical resistance…so he had to bring someone with him…and that would be the best man for the job. Thus coining the phrase!

Ring finger – Egyptians called it the vena amoris (vein of love) and believed it ran from the finger all the way to the heart.

Tying Shoes on Vehicle– the Romans would seal bargains by trading sandals. In a marriage, the bargain was the transfer of authority and responsibility of the daughter from the father to the new husband. The father would give the husband an old shoe of the bride’s and he would lightly tap her on the head, accepting this new responsibility. Later on, guests would throw their shoes at the bride/groom. So I guess people got sick of having shoes being thrown at them….and then started tying old shoes to the transportation vehicle.

featured photo credit: pfe iPhone

plan on!

 

am i invited to your wedding?

If someone you know asks this question, it can be uncomfortable and awkward. So here are some possible answers – pick or modify which one applies to your situation:

  • “We would love to invite everyone, but we have decided on a smaller gathering of close family.”
  • “Our (my parent’s) budget simply won’t allow us to invite a large number of people, I’m sure you can understand.”
  • “Our venue has limited space and we had to scale down our guest list.”

In some cases, you may want to invite these people over for a special dinner after the honeymoon – to give them some special attention. Or not…after all it is poor taste to put you on the spot like that.

featured photo credit: pfe iPhone

plan on!

 

 

how to be a good guest at a wedding …

We always talk about wedding planning, but what about being a good wedding guest? This is what you should do:

prior to wedding

You RSVP in a timely manner.
You let the hosts know if you have to cancel at the last minute; don’t just not show up!
You do not ask the couple if you can bring an extra guest (that was not on the invitation).
You do not bother the couple with registration info – ask someone else close to them.
You may send your wedding gift early to their address so it’s one less thing for you to carry.
You do not initiate or ask for special food, sitting or other special accommodating factors, unless asked by the couple.
You do not wear white or ivory dress.
You do not, I repeat, DO NOT attend the wedding if you don’t believe in this marriage. The only reason you will attend is so you can show your displeased face to everyone. Trust me, no one wants you there being miserable – take a stand and politely decline the invitation.

ceremony

You arrive on time to the ceremony, (bonus points if you are early).
You leave your small children at home with a babysitter.
If you are an out-of-towner and have to bring the child, you arrange to have someone or yourself hold the baby OUTSIDE the church so they don’t hear her/him crying.
You do not get in the way of the photographer taking pictures.

reception

You do not use the wedding reception as a “hookup” place for meeting single guys/girls.
You do not get sloppy, messy drunk. Which usually follows with making loud, embarrassing remarks.
You do not grab the microphone to make impromptu speeches without permission.
You do get the party started by dancing and asking others to dance.
You ask the bride/groom if there is anything they need. Or if you see they need something – just do it!
You do not monopolize their time, knowing full well that they have many guests to see.
You do not make derogatory comments about the reception decorations, flowers, wedding dress, mother-in-law, food, etc – because someone will hear it and it always gets back to the couple.
You will plan accordingly and allot enough time to stay for at least 4 hours at the reception if possible.Or at least until the cake has been cut.
If mother nature doesn’t cooperate with the outdoor reception, you will still be the best guest ever by pitching in and having a good time. Your friends/family just got married after all!!!!

featured photo credit: pfe iPhone

plan on!

 

out of town guests …

…remember to include your out-of-town guests at the rehearsal dinner if you can afford the extra head count. Also – another nice touch (and becoming a custom, rather than an option) is to have welcome bags waiting for them at the hotel.

Remember to include amenities such as; bottled water, munchies, breath mints, and such. Of course, you can also offer up specialties that represent your area or theme of wedding. Don’t forget a wedding day itinerary and maps to the locations and of course….a thank you from the both of you.

feature photo credit: pfe iPhone

plan on!