First, let me tell you I never grew up with a Christmas. Never. I never had a tree. I never had a gift. I never had a stocking…..you get the picture. No, we aren’t Jewish but we might as well have been. (oy vey)
So after I turned 18 I started to explore the whole Christmas idea. First I had to learn the songs. Boy. Are there A LOT OF SONGS? And there are other inconsistencies that I’m not too sure about. Such as:
- What’s up with the 12 Days of Christmas song? Who the hell would want a partridge in a pear tree? What would you even do with something like that?
- Why do parents jack up their kids with peppermint candy, sugar cookies, and fudge; then expect them to be GOOD, or else Santa won’t bring them a present? Aren’t you setting yourself up for failure?
- Why do parents force their kids to sit with a big guy with an obviously fake beard? I hated beards when I was a kid.
- Don’t get me started on the whole elves thing. Just weird. Although I would like to see them teamed up with The Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. THAT would be a cool movie.
- Who came up with the idea of Santa coming down the chimney? The North Pole and a flying reindeer are more believable than some fat dude squeezing down a gross, soot-filled chute.
- The bell ringers must stop. STOP.
- The whole idea is to spread good cheer, peace, and harmony. Well, the people waiting in line at Abercrombie & Fitch for 30 minutes weren’t feeling the cheer. And the lady who tried to cut in front of me at the last minute certainly didn’t feel any peace and harmony from me.
Lest you think I am being a bah-humbug, I’m not. There are some traditions that are fabulous:
- The Mistletoe. A great ice breaker when you’re single.
- Being with family and friends; eating, drinking, and hanging out. When is that never fabulous?
- Decorating the tree. How fun is that? I adore ornaments!!!
- Two movies: Christmas Vacation and It’s a Wonderful Life. Truly, national treasures.
- Opening presents. Who doesn’t like to open a nicely wrapped present?
- The concept of us to all STOP and think of others. We should do that every day.
- Having your family create their own traditions. Although we are starting from scratch we are finding our own way and sometimes creatively borrowing ideas from other families.
Happy Holidays everyone (the new politically correct way of telling everyone to enjoy their time off from Christmas to New Year’s).